When we’re writing memoir, it’s easy to fall into the trap of telling the audience about the emotions being experienced.

The best training ground for writing about emotions is to watch a scene in a movie or TV show. For example, there’s no voice over telling us: “Fred fought to control his anger”. Instead the scene shows Fred throwing his cup in the sink and gripping the counter with his shoulders tense, and his face contorted into a glower, lips pursed, and his nostrils flaring as he breaths deeply to keep himself calm.

We can see by his actions and body language that he’s not happy. Even if Fred says “I’m fine, I’m not angry at you.” through clenched teeth, you can see that he’s angry. We ignore what he is telling us, and instead focus on the visual clues he’s showing us.

Examples of Show vs. Tell

In film etc. the cast need to show emotions as actions, and in storytelling we need to steal this technique to show rather than tell.

• TELL: He was really interested in what she had to say.
• SHOW: He lent forward in his seat and hung on every word she said.

• TELL: I couldn’t sleep because I was so paranoid.
• SHOW: Before crawling into bed, I checked the doors and windows were locked. Then headed to the kitchen to grab a knife. On the way back to my room I checked the the back door again—just in case. As I climbed into bed I tucked the bone handled knife under my pillow. The hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention as I listened to the heightened silence of my empty apartment.

• TELL: I searched for my Mum in the audience, she looked really proud of my achievements.
• SHOW: I searched for my Mum in the audience, she was sitting bolt upright in her chair and grinning from ear to ear.

• TELL: I didn’t believe a word she was saying.
• SHOW: “Are you telling me the truth” I asked. Instead of responding, she quickly looked away and wouldn’t meet my gaze.

Nonverbal Behaviors

Telling focuses on the words, but showing focuses on the tone of voice, facial expression, postural shifts and gestures that people use in interactions. More than half our human communication is done nonverbally, so if you want to show rather than tell, learning these cues is essential.

Thoughts lead to emotions. Emotions lead to actions.

You may think your reader won’t be able to read your subtle nuanced writing, but we’re all people watchers and body language is part of our flight or fight generic make up.

Your readers will be smart enough to identify the emotions you’re showing them if you use the right nonverbal cues. And this method of story telling will make your readers feel, rather than just think or entertain them.

How many times have you read a book, and at the end you’re sad because you feel like you’ve lost a friend. You empathized with with the person, you felt like you know them. You went on a journey of their happy times and sad? This is exactly the type of connection you want to make with your reader, and you’ll be able to make this connection through showing.

Do I have to stop telling?

Short bursts of telling can sometimes be more effective than showing, and you can tell rather than show at any point during your memoir, just don’t rely on it too much.

Where pace is more important, you might opt to tell rather than show just to keep your story moving. This is especially useful towards the end of your memoir when you should be trying to speed up the pace. By this time in your book your reader will know you better, and know how you’ll react in a given situation, so you can get away with doing more telling.

If you’re on the same path, and want to write your memoir and are looking for some inspiration (or can provide some inspiration), please join in the conversation in the comments section below and lets get our memoirs written.

Next Steps

• I’m used to writing nonfiction content and pace is a key element, so I do a lot of telling. So I’m going to have to do a lot more research and practicing to learn how to do more showing.

What I’m Reading

Theme	Characters	Plot